Sorry, guys...

...running out the door to try to make it down to tech for the little sis's graduation. Want to read something interesting? Check out one of the links on the right, and I'll be back on Monday.

:-)

Don't Look Now, But...

Ok, I think that came out a little more extreme than I meant it to. I'm not super-depressed, I'm not out on the prowl for a wife, I'm not in a negative place right now, and I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination, desperate. On the other hand, one of my major goals in life at the moment is to find a good, solid, happy relationship. One that has the potential down the road to evolve into something serious. And at certain landmarks in time, so to speak, it's pretty normal (and important) to examine your goals and your progress towards them. Yesterday, being my one year break-up-iversary, was a good time for that.

To be honest, I don't have many regrets about my dating life this year. There's been a couple I think could have evolved into something truly amazing if we'd let them, but when things like that don't pan out, it's usually for good reason. I've had some great times and enjoyed life, been a lot more social than I was before, and I'm much happier than I was a year ago. I just don't feel a whole lot closer to where I want to be from a romantic standpoint.

Now onto the meat of what I want to talk about today. SWF41 and Rie mentioned the old cliche that love comes when you're not looking for it. I agree and disagree with that sentiment all at the same time. Let me explain.

See, first of all, it depends what you mean by looking. If you're chasing an idealistic concept, more concerned with the status than the actual person involved, and not ready to deal with reality, you're doomed to failure. This leads to things like pressuring people to move faster than they're ready for, embarking on insta-relationships, and getting too involved or invested before you really know the person you're dealing with. In other words, desperate never works. And if that's how you define "looking for it," I'm right with you 110%.

That said, I believe in being open and creating opportunities. Getting to know new people whenever you have the opportunity, no matter what context you're doing it under -- friends, dates, somewhere in between, whatever. Women, for the most part, can do that by living their normal social lives, because women are usually more receptive in dating than they are pursuit-oriented. A relatively attractive woman will meet a decent number of new men pretty regularly, provided they put themselves in environments where there are men they don't know around. Guys who find them attractive will initiate conversations and so on and so forth.

For guys, on the other hand, it's a little different. Women don't usually approach strange men, no matter how attractive they find them. That means that a guy who's not willing to do a little bit of work won't meet enough new women to sustain a healthy dating life. The guy who doesn't do any looking at all is the one who ends up sitting at home playing video games and hasn't had a date in 4 years. That's not who I want to be. I believe in the numbers game. The more interesting women I meet, the better the chances that one of them will be someone I could have a pretty good relationship with down the road. That also leads to a larger social circle and more friends, which in turn leads to more new people to meet and a happier, more socially rewarding life in general.

So I create opportunities. For example, if you've been to a blogger happy hour, it's pretty likely that I've come up to you and said "I don't think I know you yet. I'm [insert real first name here]," and started a conversation. I've met a lot of great friends that way, and some of those friends have introduced me to other friends. It's just like professional networking. There are lots of ways to do this.

Once a guy creates opportunities, he has to act on them when they present themselves. If I meet a girl who I find attractive, I will pretty much always set up some one-on-one time with her (if she's amenable to it), just to get to know her a little more. If there's already heavy duty flirting, I'll call it a date. If not, I'll keep it undefined. Either way, I'm open to whatever results from it. I could make a cool new friend, I could have a few great dates, I could end up very involved with that person, or we could just have a few drinks and stay acquaintances. A few of my closest friends now (hi guys! You know who you are) started out that way, and more than a couple of the girls on that list yesterday did, too.

So I'm not necessarily looking, but I'm open to possibility. It's been working well in the quantity department, and I've steadily gotten better in the quality one over time. Is that really considered "looking for it?" If it is, then I'd rather look. If not, I'm happy with the current way of doing things.

What do you think?

A Brief Retrospective

One year.

That's how long it's been, to the day, since this ended. And in that year? Well, I've had some interesting dating experiences.

Let's take an inventory:*

6 Stage five clingers...
3 Who misread what I wanted, projected their fears onto me, and used that to justify not dating me anymore...
2 Who made me think they were more into me than they were...
5 Whose personalities could be best summed up with "Whatever you want to do... I just want to make you happy..."
1 With a fuse so short that no one could ever figure out why she was mad...
4 Who would still come over right now if I called them...
1 Who made me feel like second best...
2 Skinny girls who thought they were fat...
3 Chubbier ones who thought they were super-skinny...
4 Hot nerds...
2 I could have seriously fallen in love with hard...
Many who had some growing up to do...
And a couple that made my heart hurt.

And those were just the ones who made it past the first date (please note: I'm not a whore -- there's quite a bit of overlap here). I've also had 2 stalkers (thanks, blogworld!) and a plethora of first dates that didn't go past that.

In other words, it's been a rough year, and I feel like I've been treading water. I don't feel like I'm any closer to the original goal. Strangely enough, as a grown man, I've got several goals in life, but the one I decided to focus on is the one it appears I've made the least progress towards. It seems like the only area in life where you can do all the right things and not make any progress anyway.

And I don't think it's that I'm looking in the wrong places. I've met these people just about everywhere: the internet, bars, through friends, the gym, at parties, normal everyday life... you name it, I've gotten a date or two out of it. I just don't know what to try next.

I'm this close to running off to become a monk. Or maybe moving away to start over in a new place. I'm feeling very unsettled at the moment.

Fuckin' women.

Disclaimer: If you're about to leave an anonymous comment about how arrogant I am, fuck off. Seriously, take it somewhere else. I'm not saying I'm perfect by any stretch of the imagination, just that I'm disillusioned and a little bitter today.

* If I've dated you this year, don't get offended. This is about my frustration with dating in general, not with you. In fact, you're probably not even on that list -- you're special.

Calling All Bloggers

As you've probably heard by now, the Blogger Happy Hour torch has passed on to new ownership. I-66 did a killer job, and we're hoping we can live up to it.

So what's on the menu for May?

When: Friday, May 18th @ 8:00 pm

Where: Cue Bar -- 1115 U Street NW

Who: Hosted by INPY and yours truly.

Who's Coming: Bloggers, Commenters, Readers, Lurkers, Friends, and anyone else who happened to hear about it. If it sounds like fun to you, be there.

What: Booze, Bloggers, and Badassedly Good Times (also featuring pool, darts, and ping-pong)

How: However you'd like. Just try to keep it legal. Or at least don't get caught.

Here's Hoping...

...I-66 shows up anyway

...TexPundit gets paid on time

...Dagny Taggart avoids the blue stuff

...Average Jane doesn't hate me for my Heelys (yes, they're making an appearance)

...Ar-Jew-Tino wears a less confusing shirt

...Roosh hasn't used up his three word recaps

...MM brings the boy

...Gen stays away from the pasta

...FreckledK brings the camera

...Someone far away makes an appearance

...INPY doesn't die of alcohol poisoning

...and you show up.

It's gonna be a party, y'all.

Thank You, Jesus!

I have a confession to make.

I might have a little bit of a thing for the southern belle type. Ok, maybe it's a big thing. In fact, it might be bordering on "ginormous" or even "gargantuan."

From a personality perspective, I'm not all about your stereotypical southern gal -- I tend to like women who are fiesty, well-traveled, and have a bit of the tough girl in them. The ones that can banter like a champ, have a competitive streak, and make me feel like I've met my match.

Physically, though? Put the girl next door in a cute little sundress and a big floppy hat, and you will immediately destroy any chance I had of forming a logical coherent thought. I become a little puddle of LMNt on the ground, unable to process anything except the visions of beauty dancing before my eyeballs.

That's why this was my own little version of the happiest place on earth. Screw those Disney people -- it's all about the steeple chase. 'Course, the fact that the alcohol started flowing around 9 am or so probably didn't hurt too much. Come to think of it, this picture, although it was taken two years before and I wasn't there, pretty succinctly sums up everything that made Saturday a little slice of heaven. Take a look at it. Little sundresses everywhere and lots of liquor right up front. To top it off, conversation topics ranged from how many bottles can fit in a purse that already contains 3 pairs of shoes, two hats, and a big pink fleece to how best to properly harness, support, and display a beautifully ample bosom. The par-tay bus there and back was the icing on the cake.

Afterwards, we headed to Adams Morgan for a Kentucky Derby party thrown by a beautiful & gracious host. Good times were had by (almost) all. Excellent Saturday, even if I hadn't had 18 hours of drinking.

To sum up:
- wear a sundress = poke my achilles heel
- Steeple chases rock.
- If you find yourself with an extra invitation to a steeple chase, please for the love of dog send it my way. I'll be eternally in your debt.

Q: How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

A: Two, but god knows how the little guys got in there.


(This is a beta test of a possible "Silly Joke Friday" feature. Good? Bad? Ugly? Let me know. Special thanks to FoxySavant for the joke.)

Our Story...

We've all got one. Well, the ninety-something percent of us who 1) aren't sheltered and/or virginal, and 2) didn't marry our high school sweetheart to live happily ever after. You probably have one yourself. I'm talking about the ex. The one you still think about sometimes and wonder what he/she is up to. The one who, in a different time or place, could have been your "happily ever after."

Mine was Carroll. We met online several years ago, and I fell for her the moment I laid eyes on her. She was a little distant at first, but a hell of a kisser, and I was apparently the first internet date she'd ever had. We had a few dates and a lot of fun, but we both had pretty severe cases of ODS at the time, and decided we'd be better off as friends (which, of course, when you've only been on a couple dates with someone, usually means "have a nice life -- you're cool, but not for me"). Somehow, though, I had a gut feeling that we'd meet again.

And I was right. A few months later, we ran into each other at a big new year's bash in DC. We made small talk, said how great it was to see each other again, and went back to our respective friends. At about 12:30, our paths crossed, and since neither of us had celebrated the new year in classic lip-lock style, we shared a slightly drunken, slightly-post midnight kiss or two and flirted for the rest of the night. After that we started talking again. Nothing major, just occasional IM acquaintances. We kept up on the major events in each other's lives.

Flash forward about 6 months. I'd just had a tumultuous breakup and lost the majority of my social circle in the process. So the next time I saw her online, I explained the situation and said that we should hang out, cause I could use some new friends (guy translation: "you're the one that got away and I'd like to fix that, but friends would be nice, too"). We started hanging out and getting closer. While we were a bit flirty, it was a platonic flirty, and I assumed (after feeling the vibe out a bit) it would stay that way, but she could definitely make a very good friend. I discovered karaoke, she started coming with me, and we soon formed a huge group for our weekly song-fests at the local bar. That was pretty much the only time we saw each other, but we talked a lot, and developed a strong bond. In fact, she became my best friend.

The next year, a little before Halloween, something interesting happened. We realized that we were the only two people in our respective social circles who really got into doing scary Halloween stuff. We went to see a scary movie together one night and ended up at my house, drinking, making out, and watching more scary movies on DVD. The next morning, things were awkward. We decided (again) that we should just be friends, but this time, it seemed a lot more like lip service. We hung out three or four times that week, and again the week after, getting more physical and date-y the whole time, and by the end of November, she called from vacation to tell me how much she missed me, I admitted the same, and we decided to do the exclusive bf/gf thing.

I'm not going to say everything was always perfect, because that's not realistic. We had our ups and downs, as everyone does, but what really amazed me was the complete and total lack of negative drama in the relationship. In the almost two years we dated, I can count the number of fights we had on one hand and still have fingers left over. And the majority of those were alcohol fueled, as opposed to being real issues needing resolution. It was by far the healthiest, happiest, and easiest relationship I'd ever been a part of. People always say that you have to work at it, but we really didn't seem to need to. It just happened.

Over time, things got pretty serious. We not only met the parents, but started visiting and hanging out with them. We became known as "LMNt and Carroll," instead of "LMNt" and "Carroll". We spent a few holidays together at her parents' house, and even slept in the same bed when we were there (something she and they had sworn would never happen until she was married to the guy). Conversations changed from "if we get married someday" to "when we get married." We spent almost every night in the same bed, and started seriously discussing moving in together and/or getting engaged. This was the first relationship she'd ever had (and is still the only one) that had lasted more than three months. Ever.

Then one day I realized things were different somehow. She seemed a bit distant. We didn't talk the way we used to. She was spending less time with me and more at happy hours with coworkers or friends. She stopped inviting me along. Somehow, this wonderful thing we'd built seemed to be slipping away. I mentioned it, and she said she wasn't sure, she hadn't noticed anything different, but she'd think about it and get back to me. We set a date to come back to the subject and talk.

(I'm sure y'all can see what's coming here.)

When the day rolled around, I said that I thought we were losing the passion. That we needed to have more fun together and take a few steps back from the serious stuff. She said she didn't want to be with me anymore. That she'd been trying to understand why she wasn't ready to move in together yet, and while she hadn't figured it out, the fact that she wasn't (after how long we'd been together) and that it weighed on her so much were signs that I wasn't the one. Being an intuitive guy, I'd kind of assumed this was where things were going and came prepared. We did the obligatory stuff exchange on the spot. She cried. I didn't. That wouldn't happen until the next day.

She said that I'd been her best friend for years and she still wanted to be friends. I told her I'd need some time to process things, but that I agreed, and I'd get in touch with her after I'd sorted myself out. And after a month or two, I did. We hung out once and talked on the phone or over email a few times, but things were never quite the same. Eventually, she stopped even responding to phone calls or emails. I wasn't trying to get back together, and I didn't pressure her to even do the friends thing, but I was (and still am) extremely disappointed to lose the friendship. There may have been a drunk dial or three since.

So today I'm feeling a bit nostalgic. I'm way beyond considering her date-worthy -- that'll never happen again. From what I've heard, she's changed quite a bit, and is not at all the same woman I fell for. I still miss what we had at times, though, even though my romantic life is going absolutely swimmingly at the moment.

Why is this in my mind today? Well, I've got plans this weekend where there's a pretty decent chance I'll run into her and a group of her friends (who used to be our friends, but she knew them first, so she got custody). I'm not quite sure how I'll handle it if that happens. I mean, on the outside, I'm sure I'll respond properly. Make small talk, have a lot of fun with my friends (and my date) and not seem phased. Internally though? I don't know. I'm kinda keeping my fingers crossed that she's not there. But at the same time, a little piece of me sort of hopes she is.