Grow a Pair

Ok, gentlmen, I've got a bone to pick with you. I'm getting pretty darn tired of hearing my female friends whine about how indecisive and gutless most of you seem to be. In general, women like guys who can take charge and be a little dominant. Guys who have a plan and are not easily intimidated. And for the love of god, guys who have the balls to make a friggin' move.

Think about that for a minute. Balls. Why has that term become synonymous with guts? Because guts, bravery, gumption, whatever word you want to use are masculine traits. Why does "manhandle" start with "man"? Same reason. We're supposed to take control, be aggressive, a little dominant, and possibly even a bit rough around the edges.

[Disclaimer: I'm not saying women aren't brave or capable of being dominant, take-charge leaders, just that most of them prefer not to take that role in romantic relationships. Don't think I'm being chauvinistic here. I'm a total feminist, but I believe we have natural tendencies toward certain roles in relationships, which are completely different and separate from professional life. Thanks.]

For example, a friend of mine has gone on three dates with a guy. [A little background: she's gorgeous, cool, funny, bright, well-traveled, great personality, has a great job, and probably (although I don't know personally) quite the firecracker in the bedroom. The kind of woman we all want to date. Quite a catch.] He made a great first impression, and she was pretty interested. That interest is slowly waning, though, because he just doesn't seem to have any balls. He doesn't call her between dates. In fact, he doesn't even call her to set up the next date. He emails. Email may be ok sometimes (and I've been known to use it to set up dates), but calling is almost always better. If you never call, but just email, that's just chicken. Email is the easy way out. Man up and call the girl.

So on top of this, they've been on three dates and there's been not even a hint of a move. Kissing? Nope. The slightest sign that he wants to kiss her and it will happen at some point? No, not even that. He's obviously interested because he keeps asking her out, so we rule out "uninterested" and that leaves us with "pussy." Poor guy.

What does my friend have to say about all this?

"I always go for take-charge types. He needs to grab me and kiss me like a porn star. Because if he doesn't want to make a move, why is he asking me out?"

Straight from the horse's mouth, gentlemen. Notice the choice of words. She didn't say "I just want him to kiss me ever so gently." She didn't say "he should ask permission and then kiss me." She said "he needs to grab me and kiss me like a porn star."

Yes, "like a porn star."

In other words, a little bit rough. A little manhandly. Like, horror of horrors, he actually wants to sleep with her. Like there's something about her that brings out his naughty side.

I hear this kind of thing all the time. It's a big part of why dating is such a pain in the ass for women these days -- most guys are afraid of being seen as someone who just wants a woman for sex or coming off as to insensitive. And while they're right, those are both bad things, some of y'all are taking it a little too far. It's ok to be men. Girls like men. In fact, they really like them. You don't want her to think you're just after sex? Great, don't date a girl if that's all you'd be interested in. If you treat her like you're not sexually interested, though, she's gonna think either a) you're not, or b) you're a pussy.

So be a man. Take control every now and then. Surprise her with random acts of dominant sexuality. Want to throw her up against a wall and kiss her passionately? Most of'em think that's really hot. Pin her arms to the bed for a minute while you're in the act? Great. Trust me, a woman will absolutely let you know if you push her limits too far, and as long as it's not something you've already been warned about, they're pretty forgiving, as long as you don't do it again.

On the other hand, maybe you prefer to keep being the sensitive, nice guy? Wonder what women think about that...



In Other News:

I'm going away for the weekend, and taking a half day at work tomorrow. What does this mean to you? Well, since I'm going to have to cram a whole day's work into half the time, no new post tomorrow. You'll see me again on Monday.

That doesn't mean you should stop with the questions. Need a guy's opinion? Send'em in to lmntalattraction (at) gmail (dot) com.