Dating Under the Influence
When drunk drivers get into car accidents, they tend to get seriously injured a lot less often than the sober people involved. The current logic is that they're relaxed and loose, and since their reaction times are in the shitter, they don't realize what's going on fast enough to tense up and brace against it. It's the people who try to fight it that really get messed up.
Jamy made this comparison today, and I absolutely love it.
You see, although you probably can't tell from this blog, I tend to be a cautious dater. Much like all of us who make it to our late twenties (or farther), I've had relationships before. I've been hurt, had some pretty difficult times romantically, and would like very much to avoid repeat performances of those particular events.
As a result, when I meet someone new, I tend to see them once a week or so (maybe a little less often) and talk every few days instead of diving right in headfirst. I keep people at arm's length and slowly get to know them. I brace myself.
I know a lot of people who miss out on great opportunities because they're too cautious, including myself. That said, I usually still feel the need to act that way.
I'm starting to think I'll know the right thing has come along when I throw caution to the wind and jump in headfirst. Not because I necessarily want to be uncautious, but because I can't seem to help myself.
What do you guys think? Good/bad/ugly? Help me out here.
5 comments:
Ah yes! The 'ole "I'll know that it's right when I just can't help myself"...
I agree with all of what you said up until that point.
The "right thing" lies more in you than the other person, I think. So expecting that other person or the situation to be so awesome that it will counteract all of your own hesitations, concerns, etc. is putting too much pressure on the external factors.
I believe the "right thing" is a decision as much as a feeling.
I think that it's impossible to attain the right thing without being as honest as humanly possible. If you're open from the beginning, then you get the "real" answers that much faster. Are you genuinely compatible, or are you only compatible as the guarded, reserved person you're pretending to be?
I think it's kind of a chicken and egg thing. Meaning that when you reach a situation where you feel inclined to be circumspect doesn't mean it's the right thing--and it won't not be the right thing if you happen to find yourself acting cautiously, y’know?
That said, I also don’t think you decide that something is the “right thing.” You feel it in your gut. I mean, since it’s similar—do you decide to fall in love? No—you might decide to say it, but if you’re like me you just realize one day that you’ve already fallen. It’s not a pro-and-con sitch.
The drunk driver is definitely a good metaphor though.
And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with bracing yourself, at least a little. There’s definitely a good amount and a bad amount. And you can be honest AND braced at the same time, methinks.
I'm going to offer up my opinion even though I know it will suck.
I tend to always go head- first into relationships because I'm just that way. When I like someone I find it impossible to hide it.
Of course I always end up getting hurt so I guess that's where my new game- play has recently come into action.
I keep everyone at arms/car's/bar's/whatever's length.
Don't be like me- go for it dude. Just make sure to not get too caught up. Nothing lasts forever.
I think the most important thing is to be yourself. If that's cautious, then so be it.
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