No, Thanks... Part 1

So if you've been reading, it's no big secret that I like the personals. They're fun. Not only are they darn good entertainment, but I've met a lot of interesting people that way (some of my closest friends, actually). In fact, my most significant relationship to date started that way. We didn't hit it off romantically at first, but after a few years as friends, we started dating. While it didn't work out in the long run, it was a great experience at the time, I learned a lot from it, and it never would have happened if I'd never dabbled in online dating.

I've recieved a lot of questions from you female types about what I look for in an ad, and to be honest, there's not anything specific. It's more about how we match up and how the writer seems to fit with who I am. That said, there are a lot of things that will instantly kill any chance that I'll write you, and that's what I'd like to touch on today. If you're looking online for a quality guy, here's a few things you should avoid at all costs when you're writing your description of yourself and/or what you're looking for (with real examples from the wonderland of bad personals, otherwise known as Craigslist):

Negative Tone -- "so like, don't say looks aren't important, if, to you, they really are. or don't send a 5 year old pic of yourself and say that is the only pic you have. From 19-23 = no pics. your lying. don't say you want a FWB when you really want a LTR sex does not = a relationhip. Stop with the "What's up with the women around here" posts the women in this area act just like the men. so if your greedy, then the women you meet will be greedy. etc, etc"

First of all, you don't sound like fun. And really? That's what I'm looking for initially -- someone I can have a good time hanging out with. That's what's going to make me want to get to know you better. Secondly, ever dated a negative, pessimistic person before? Yeah, it kinda sucks. No thanks.

Bad Spelling/Grammar/Etc. -- See above.

I'm pretty darn smart, if I do say so myself. If your ad reeks of ignorance, we're probably not going to get along. Obviously, everyone makes a mistake here and there, so the occasional typo's really not going to turn me off. If you can't form a coherent sentence, though? Into the reject pile you go.

Getting Ahead of Yourself -- "I'm seeking a man who is looking for marriage and would like to have children."

Ok, I'd like to get married, too... someday. And only if I meet the right girl for it and we have a pretty successful long term relationship first. If you're sizing me up for marriage before I even send you an email, 1) I'm gonna feel a bit pressured, 2) I assume you're going to rush the hell outta me on a decision that's absolutely not to be taken lightly, and 3) if by some strange twist of fate, we end up dating long enough that marriage is a possibility, how will I know you want it because of who I am and how we fit together? 'Cause it seems a lot more likely that you wanted a warm body to fill that empty position at the head of the aisle. It's fine to say you want to get married eventually or that you'd like to have kids someday, but please don't focus on it. One sentence will do it. And don't say you're looking for a husband, say "I'd like to get married eventually."

Insulting My Whole Sex -- "DC full of uptight, obnoxious, narrow minded guys!"

Obviously, if you're posting a personal ad, you haven't found what you're looking for. That said, if you see every guy as "uptight, obnoxious, and narrow minded," maybe that says something about you. How would you feel if I said "all women are fat, stupid whores, but I'm looking for an exception"? Would that give you the warm fuzzies about me?

No Info About You -- "It would be nice to meet attractive guys who know how to spoil and take care of their woman. I am guessing those who won't will skip over my post? :( If you are the kind of guy that would recieve high regard and recommendation from all of your ex's or all the girls you have been with then you are the kind of guy id like to get to know. Looks are secondary to your personality so don't be bashful. Please, refrain from sending photos that are less then what you'd mind your family seeing and indicate something interesting about yourself including the type of person you seek and the kind of relationship (if you are even seeking a relationship) you'd like to obtain. All responses that are normal and reasonable will be responded to as promptly as possible, however; only if I feel there may be some sort of possibility of meeting."

Yeah, seriously. That's the whole ad. The only thing you've managed to get across about you is that you're selfish (the whole "spoil" thing). If you want somebody to buy something, you've got to give them a reason (probably several reasons) to want it. There are lots of women around here, what makes you stand out from the rest of them?


That's plenty for today, but there are a lot more things I've seen recently that I'd like to cover, so keep your eyes peeled tomorrow for part 2.