Materialistic, Much?
Yesterday I was hanging out, drinking wine with a friend of mine. She's a pretty good friend, and all kinds of fun to hang out with unless we're talking about her romantic situation, cause there's all kinds of drama there. She's got some pretty messed up priorities in that department, but she's working on it. Other than that? Really cool chick.
Anyway, she tells me her ex-fiancee just bought a new car, which kind of bothers her because he just sold her engagement ring because he "needed the money" (yes he's an ex, no they're not dating, and there's absolutely no good reason for him to keep it. She's just clinging desperately to the hopeless idea that they'll get back together someday even though they both cheated on each other for several years. Like I said, messed up priorities). And she says, "I don't understand how he could buy a car when he needed money badly enough to sell the ring. I mean, the car was 27 thousand and the ring was only 24."
"Waitaminute... I don't think I heard you properly. Did you say the engagement ring he bought you was twenty four THOUSAND dollars?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Why the eff would someone spend that much on an engagement ring? I mean, I know it's supposed to be a significant purchase to last your whole life and all, but seriously? That's ridiculous. 24 THOUSAND dollars? You're kidding, right?"
"Well, it was what I wanted. I designed it myself."
"Why not spend 4 to 8 grand on a nice, but reasonable ring and put the rest of the money down on a house, or go on vacation together or something? Put it in the retirement fund. Who wants to wear something like that? Isn't it so big it's gaudy?"
"I wanted to wear it. It was a really rare canary diamond. [goes into the story on why they're so rare] We both already have houses, and we'd just gone on a vacation. I wanted it. I told him I'd be fine with a plain gold band, or totally happy with something small that's an heirloom, but it was either that or this one. I don't want to do anything halfway. And it had to be nicer than the one [the previous ex-fiancee] gave me or I'd think of it every time I looked at my hand and be sad. If I'm not going to have a basic plain gold band, it needs to be really nice."
"So you wouldn't consider like a carat or so? Maybe one of those three-stone deals where the middle one's one carat?"
"No way. I like nice things."
Ok, now granted, I already knew she was a bit on the materialistic side. She won't even consider a date with a guy who's not at least 6 inches taller than her, and she seems to always either know or have a damn good guess as to how much money a guy makes before they even get to the first date. The last one had two houses (one at Rehoboth Beach) and three cars. And other than anything related to guys, she really is an awesome chick. Pretty, accomplished, fun, talented, a great friend who's always there when you need her, totally sweet, yada yada yada. And I knew her dating priorities were a little off -- lord knows I would never even entertain the notion of dating her. I never thought she was a gold-digger, though, just a little off dating-wise.
But a $24,000 engagement ring is a must? Right now I'm a little embarrassed to know her.
25 comments:
*standing ovation*
Seriously, don't even get me STARTED on the ring thing. I don't even want a diamond. I think it's a ridiculous female pissing contest.
Let's talk about the wedding I don't want next. Materialism at its finest.
Bravo.
24 thousand is f*ing ridiculous, I don't care how much money he makes. Even 4 thousand is ridiculous when you have as little money as I do. Like I've always said, I'd prefer a nice gemstone to a diamond any day of the week. Sheesh.
Not sure I agree completely- if someone can afford it, and that's what they want, who am I to judge?
It's all relative. "Expensive" to one person is "reasonable" to someone else.
aileen does have a point. it's all relative. I mean, I spend 20 bucks now much more readily than I did in college...and I bet when I'm older I'll be even less cautious about that twenty.
but the thing is, it's about why they want it. it's to show off, that's what. not because this uber-expensive hunk o' gem and metal is more special to them, or because it's something they've dreamed about their whole life.
no, no. it sure sounds to me like they wanted it so it would be impressive as all get out. and that's what makes it materialistic. plus, sounds like she was bragging about how expensive it was, anyway.
no offense to your friend, lmnt, but I'm just saying...
I agree with Aileen - if you can afford it, it doesn't matter that much. I think it's more that it's annoying to show off, in whatever way you choose to.
This is quite interesting. Because I consider you a very real person. And while I don't really know you, I assume you're a good judge of character. And I tend to find people with those height, $, etc status requirements incredibly shallow and tedious and irritating. But you say she's fantastic in all these other ways. I wonder how it all fits together.
There is something weird about engagement rings in our society though. Like, the bigger your rock the more everyone will think your husband-to-be is worth and the more he so obviously values you. It's very fucked up. And boring.
i agree that it's fucking ridiculous and, contrary to aileen, i feel perfectly comfortable about judging.
it's one thing to spend a lot of money, if you have it, on something that makes you happy. for instance, i can understand buying an expensive car because it has a comfortable interior and it's fun to drive. or buying a nice house that has a great kitchen and plenty of room because entertaining friends and family makes you happy. but if the thing that makes you happy about buying something is JUST that it is expensive and confers social status, that is fucked up.
I'm sorry, but just because you can afford a $24k ring doesn't mean it's ok to buy it. What about doing some good in the world? Materialism means you care more about objects than people--and that's what spending money like this means.
There could be a good reason for an expensive car--need a reliable or particular vehicle for work--but there is absolutely no good reason to spend that kind of money on a ring. Just being able to doesn't count.
Your friend clearly has some good points--and does care about people. But her priorities are all fucked up. She is not alone.
Her priorities may be fucked up, but her ex-fiance bought into it too - otherwise there would have been no $24K ring. I'm sure he felt all macho when his girl's ring blinded people at 20 paces.
All wrong. The answer is that he bought it because he's not the "sharpest tool in the shed."
Because people smart enough to have earned the money themselves would also be smart enough to know know the (decreasing) value of a dollar, and that it wasn't worth it - unless he's thinking that he could resell it for more a profit later down the road? An unlikely scenario at best.
Eh, if he could afford it, why not? I think the point is that it was that or nothing for her. It's more important that she could have been happy with nothing, ya know?
I'm sorry, LMNT, I realize she is your friend and most likely a great person, but that is utter and complete bullshit. What a horrible way to start a marriage. All things considered, I have to say I am glad they didn't get married b/c they both seem to have scary relationship priorities.
Wow. I guess I kind of always thought that a ring was a symbol for the couple, right?
So this girl's ring, while she wore it, symbolized to the world that they were the kind of people who would have such a ring. And everyone else gets to decide how they're going to let that affect their perceptions.
Sounds like truth in advertising, to me. What's wrong with that?
I'm almost totally speechless about this.
Almost.
I think this did it for me:
"So you wouldn't consider like a carat or so? Maybe one of those three-stone deals where the middle one's one carat?"
"No way. I like nice things."
A lot of people would consider something a small fraction of 24 g's to be "nice".
Kristen -- You're my dream girl. Let's get married. ;-)
Jo -- I'm totally with you.
Aileen -- Depends what you mean by "afford it." She half owns a little townhouse with the previous ex-fiancee, and he has a condo in the ghetto. They're not exactly rolling in it.
And honestly? Even if I had Bill Gates's money, I'd be embarrassed to have my wife wear something like that.
Foxy -- Exactly. What purpose does it serve other than to show off?
Lisa -- It's definitely a strange mismatch in her personality. I usually find them shallow and stupid, too, but this girl's really great in all unrelated-to-guys areas. I mean, she sang happy birthday to my voicemail before I even woke up. Does lots of little sweet things like that and is always around when I need to talk. I don't quite get the dichotomy.
Jen -- Obviously I, too, feel comfortable judging. :-)
Jamy -- Thank you! There's absolutely no excuse to spend money like that on an object that does nothing except look pretty. Put that money somewhere useful, whether it's to you or to someone else.
Sparkles -- Yeah, he's a real piece of work, too. Did I mention that they both cheated on each other the WHOLE TIME they were together?
Anon -- Agreed. Not so bright.
Scarlet -- I disagree. It's absolutely ridiculous, arrogant, and wasteful. She wouldn't be happy with normal, and that bothers me.
Anon 2 -- Are you spam? I think you are! Prepare to be deleted.
Ryane -- No need to apologize. Obviously I think she's got really messed up priorities, and I tell her that on a regular basis.
Dagny -- I guess I never really looked at it that way. Good call. Easy way to know who to avoid.
I-66 -- Including, you, I, and every reasonable person here.
Wow.
Wait...so the $24K ring buying guy is single now? I could use a new ring . . .
:-)
(kidding!)
My sister took her boyfriend jewelry shopping (for the Christmas present she wanted for him to buy her) one year. He couldn't afford anything up to her high standards of cut, color and clarity, so they decided to come back after he had saved up some more money. Can you imagine?! I was horrified.
I don't think that there is anything wrong with getting your girl a ring, but after you've reached a certain size/dollar amount, it just becomes vulgar.
The only part of this that really jumps out at me is that she was upset he sold it. If he can afford to spend $24K on a ring, fine. But once they break it off, that's his. If he wants to spend it on hookers and blow? Rock on.
HA HA. The best part of the story is that she didn't get to keep it. She designed it HERSELF and SHE wanted it and he took it back and sold it. HA HA HA HA HA! I LOVE IT!
She must be pretty hot to get a ring like that.
I didn't expect an engagement ring or take part in its design. The man I love gave me this ring at a memorable moment in our lives, and for that reason, I rarely take the ring off.
To each their own but I'm happily married.
Wow, you opened up the commenting floodgates on that one! :)
I agree with everyone else. I think that is ridiculous. People get so caught up on the actual ring, they don't care about what it symbolizes. I think shopping for rings and designing rings takes the fun out of the whole experience. Women should be happy that they have a ring period!
Besides, I think it is so adorable when men go out of thier way to try and figure out what you want and how you want it. I would not want to deprive my man of that excitement.
Wow that's a lot of money for a ring. I think if I found out that my boyfriend spent that much on a ring for me I'd bitch slap him a little.
Between 2000 and 2005, I supported myself with a GROSS income of about $10,000 annually. (I was in school; you do what you have to.) The cost of that ring is equivalent to my rent, my bills, my clothing, my medical expenses, my taxes, my travel, my insurance, my books, my... everything for two and a half years. That 10k wasn't enough to support me, and I walked away with the student loans and credit card balances to prove it. I'm out of that financial place now, but no amount of justification can make me think that a ridiculous expenditure like that is "okay because they can afford it."
I'm not suggesting they should've used that money to support a starving college student or a local family living in poverty (although it would've been nice), but investing in a new home (if she likes "nice things," why was she okay with her shared condo and his place in the ghetto??) or something else that would've provided them with something as a new couple would've been more appropriate.
Don't even get me started on the ridiculous waste of money that is the modern American wedding.
Conspicuous consumption disgusts me.
EXCUSE ME ALL.
I was fine with a plain gold 2mm band - 30 bucks. I don't NEED anything and never have. I LIKE things. I LIKE to do things once - buy things once. I don't buy a lot of clothes or go shopping often. I spend more on things but FEW things. I like to be fully satisfied when making a purchase.
Clearing this up. The EX and I designed this ring TOGETHER. We both studied Architecture and Design. We are BOTH creative individuals. We designed a creation that didn't pop off a shelf or show up in some magazine. We made something together. I loved it for that. There are things about the design I would have liked differently BUT LIKE I SAID - it was OUR creation - together.
OH - and he has a townhouse - not a condo and NOW has two cars and a motorcycle. Am I materialistic? NO. When people hear about things they get their panties in a bunch because they struggle. I struggle from time to time by choice.
As for this 24k ring - the amount didn't bother me - it bothered the author. How long have I known him and how long did it take for me to tell him the price? think about that. It was relevant to the conversation based on the cost of his new - more expensive car and chucking the ring. Why was I upset? The EX called to tell me he missed me. My response? Couldn't you have held onto the ring a little longer?
oh - and yes - I completely appreciated him spending 24k on this ring - never expected. When we broke up? Damn right I missed that ring. It was part of us and beautiful but beyond compare I missed him much more and still do. AND - he still contacts me AND it's me who decided not to respond this past week.
OH - and why wouldn't I be happy with something between the 1st EX's 17k custom set and a gold band? Because I don't NEED anything. I already HAD what I WANTED. Anything 'better' than what I had is BONUS and not fair or considerate for me to ask for from someone new or nnNNEEExXXt. This is what makes us unique. Scream selfish? I spend more on my family and friends than I do on myself. There are few things I want. I happen to like jewelry. I worked in a jewelry store. Understand? FYI? This is the only piece of jewelry he purchased for me in 2 years and 4 months outside of a silver necklace I have. The first piece of jewelry he tried to buy for me... I said save your money. There aren't many females out there who would do that. Does that scream materialistic?
Here's the thing Mental - your eyes popped out when you heard 24k. Nothing else about the story struck a chord like that. Maybe the problem is you hear expensive.
Engagement rings are cushions. If shit happens the girl has a ring. If she's stuck between a rock and a hard place - her rock gets her out of a hard place. Get it?
If she/they are lucky enough to live a life full and rich without divorce their children will one day be proud to have this ring - hopefully on one of their left hands.
How many of you decided not to accept your grandmothers’ ring? why? I was willing to. It is a very small damaged diamond - probably .25 carats, I color, SI2 clarity, and a thin worn out silver band. Want to know something? I am the only great grandchild who knew Nana. My younger brother met her but doesn't remember her. I would have worn it PROUDLY.
People choose to please their partner. That's why marriages work - in conjunction with other things. We didn't work. Instead of a child we had a canary diamond. I GAVE it back as I did with the first set I had with my first ex. Come on now - it's a ring. He knew from day one I didn't even plan on wearing an engagement ring daily - HENCE OK WITH THE GOLD BAND. And if that strikes a chord – I don’t need a ring to be engaged or a card from Hallmark on my birthday.
Maybe now this makes more sense…. My Exes wanted to please me with something they knew I liked because I like FEW enough things to posses them. Doesn’t that sound much nicer?
There is so much swirl around that ring and all rings and that’s another reason why there was a part of me not wanting one. Then I said in true “me fashion” fuck it. Ya’ll can suffer and make your own swirl – keep it away from me. I’ll wear our awesome ring – completely unique and classy and not like any of yours and I’ll pass it on to our kids. It was beautiful. It was a 2 carat Intense Yellow Square Radiant center stone set in platinum with two side diamond shaped canary stones on each side of the center recessed in yellow gold and two more canary diamond shaped stones sitting upright on the bottom and top of the center stone (called surprise diamonds).
While you have your husbands and half of you end in divorce after spending thousands of dollars on your weddings when you should have thought thrice before marriage I won’t have that expense or an ex-husband… or a ring. Happy?
Mental – I didn’t think you were materialistic until reading how important it is to you to value the dollar amount you put on things.
Something I learned from Ex number one – anyone can make more money. Translation – money doesn’t matter – it’s happiness that does.
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