Wednesday, September 5, 2007

You're On Notice

Ok, so if you've read even the most microscopic sample of this blog, you can tell that I like to give advice when it's requested. Especially in the realm of "please interpret for me what's going on in this guy's head and how I should handle it" for my female friends. I do my best not to give unsolicited advice, because that's almost never what someone needs, but when asked to help, I thrive on it. I'm fascinated by the psychology behind how we act in regards to people we're attracted to and why we act that way. Judging by the frequency with which a friend asks me to help, it would seem that I'm pretty good at it, too.

That said, girls, you're on notice. No, scratch that -- you're beyond being on notice. In fact, unless you're one of two very specific knockout blondes I know (whose initials are CR and LJ -- hi gals!), you are hereby banned from asking my opinion on guy situations. If you disregard this notice and ask anyway, the response will be either "man, that sucks. Sorry to hear it," or "hmmm... I don't know."

Why, you ask? Well, it's actually pretty simple, really. Most of the time when people ask for an opinion, they don't really want the truth -- they want you to tell them that they're right. That what they want the situation to be is what you think it is, and that everything will be all hearts and flowers, rainbows and cuddly kittens if they go ahead with whatever (usually misguided) plan they have for handling it. They want to continue ramming their head into a brick wall in hopes that the wall will break before their noggin does, and they want your approval and confirmation that it's the right approach. And when that's not what they hear? Well, they find a way to justify what they want and completely disregard your input anyway, rendering that 10 minutes, 20 minutes, or an hour you just spent trying to tactfully explain the unbiased outsider's viewpoint to them completely useless. And then you get to hear about it later, when it all blows up in their face, doing your best to be a good reassuring friend when your brain is screaming "I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!! WHY OH WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN?" And I really, really, REALLY hate watching people get hurt, especially when they knowingly and willfully did it to themselves. It makes you feel helpless to watch your friends suffer and know you can't help them because the pain's already happened.

Not that I think people should always agree with me. Not by any stretch of the imagination. The two amazing women mentioned above? They don't. Sometimes they think I'm way off. And sometimes they're right. I've been known to err on the side of cynical at times, and way too far into the idealistic realm at others. The difference? Well, they're both very grounded in reality. They understand that I usually have my head screwed on straight, truly care about them, want to see them happy, and am doing my best to help them affix their heads in the same manner. They seem to carefully weigh what I tell them and really make the effort to understand why my take on a situation is what it is, and they tend to assimilate it into their larger view of a situation. C and L understand that it's tough to see situations totally accurately from the inside and do their best to get outside to take a look every now and then. If there's a suspicion of something not-so-great, they keep an eye out for more signs one way or the other. And you know what? Because of how they approach these things, they usually tend to come to the right conclusions without any help. Ironically enough, they're the ones whose ideas I'm most likely to agree with, even though they would be less bothered by a different view than all those other girls. They certainly don't believe that if you wish hard enough and clap your hands, reality (or someone else's feelings) will magically become what you want it (them) to be. Or that you'll save a faerie.

So here's to you, good advice takers. Because of your grace and realistic attitudes, you'll continue to get it whenever you ask. And hopefully, someday they'll write a Budweiser radio commercial about you, because you truly are real women of genius.


The Brooklyn Boy said...

Good call here. Giving advice that gets ignored effing sucks. Of course, I've been that stubborn idiot, so I know the mindset that leads to that. Definitely lends you more piece of mind to stay out of needless drama.

Reddiekim said...


HKW said...

Glad you're back.

Beach Bum said...

Haha, by coincidence, those are my initials too (as you probably know). But I also know I never shared my guy-troubles with you, so much for thinking I was being mentioned in a blog that wasn't my own!

Yep, most people don't want to hear advice, and that goes from girl to girl too. I tend to have the realistic point of view on things (unless I'm talking about myself, of course, I'm still hopeful), and usually my advice goes ignored. But I'm always there with a shoulder to cry on, when what I predicted happens (and am pretty good at keeping quiet and not saying "told ya!").

I gotta say though, most of the times my guy friends offered me advice (and I'm the one usually asking) they were dead-on, even if it wasn't what I was hoping I'd hear...

nicole d. said...

Even if you don't want to give advice on our guy troubles, are you still going to give us the guy's point of view, as per LMNtal??? Please..?

LMNt said...

Brooklyn Boy -- Exactly.

ReddieKim -- Man, that sucks. Sorry to hear it. :-P

HKW -- Thanks! Glad you came back here, too. :-)

Beach Bum -- Nope, not you, but you are also a fantabulous blonde. And if you take advice the way you say you do, I'll put you on the provisional advisee list.

Nicole -- Without it, I don't think this blog would have any reason to exist. No worries.

Anonymous said...

Most of the time when people ask for an opinion, they don't really want the truth -- they want you to tell them that they're right.

so true.