Whew!
Work is extremely busy and I'm feeling humor today, so here's a little something I wrote many months ago when I was still toying with craigslist.
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I want to hate-fuck a republican.
Not just any republican, but a die-hard, SUV driving, gay hating, hardcore Bush supporter. Think Ann Coulter - she'd be a great prospect. Is she the only attractive one left? I don't want to convert you... in fact, I probably don't even want to talk to you very much. Just enough to get me in the mood for some rough and passionate hate-fucking. I'm talking hair pulling, biting, scratching, the whole nine yards. While I expect this to be a one time thing, I'm open to repeat performances if things go really well. Hell, if you're a cool chick (other than, of course, the rabid neo-conservativism) and we agree not to argue about politics, there may even be real potential here.
I'm a passionate, fiery, homo-loving, abortion-approving, sexy liberal son of a bitch. I'm in good shape, 5'10", well read, very knowledgable about politics/current events, and I voted for both Gore AND Kerry. Ironically enough, my political beliefs fall more in line with what was historically considered republican ideals than they do with the democrats. It's YOUR president (and the idiots who tried to impeach one before him over a goddamn blowjob) who pushed me to side with the left.
If you're as angry as I am and ready to take it out on a progressive, send a pic and I'll send you one back. I can host at my place in VA, or will drive just about anywhere in the area if you'd prefer to stay at yours. My little Civic will do WAY less damage to the environment than your oh-so-cool Hummer, anyway (score another one for the good guys!).
And if you're a cool liberal chick who saw the title and just had to read it, you think this is hilarious and we'd get along fabulously, drop me a line. You probably won't get any violent hate-fucking, but you may make a new friend or more.
P.S. -- I'm sure you've already read about it on about a bajillion and one other blogs, but I was pretty darn sad to hear about Kurt Vonnegut. It's not a good day for book nerds.
14 comments:
Did this actually work? Details, please. And Ann Coulter??? Not only is Ann Coulter NOT attractive, you do know she's a man, right?
I remember reading this on CL and thinking the guy that posted it was too weird. Now I know ;)
By the way, some real a-holes are posting on CL today about Vonnegut being a lame writer. Ugh. Does someone have to slap a bitch?
um...yikes. that's kinda awful. funny, but awful.
and I just bought some new KV to read. it's sad he's gone.
Howled through this whole thing...but you can have that same hate sex as a Yankees fan with a Sox fan. It might actually be MORE intense.
RIP Kilgore Trout. Sad, sad day.
I actually did hate-fuck an extremely conservative, totally bigoted asshole I worked with in college.
Mmmm... good times.
Bushtard and Satan have all but turned said guy to the liberal camp, so the hate-fuck might be less spirited if we were to revisit today, but it was definitely worth it at the time.
The mention of sport rivalries always brings these two commercials to mind:
YouTube ESPN Commercials
Obviously the first couple are poseurs, since no self respecting Ohio State fan would do such a thing.[1]
The guy portrayed in the second ad is of course a true Ohio State fan. Jumping out of the moving car was probably the safer thing to do, but having read LMNT's post, I can't help but think what the hate-fuck would have been like...
-vvk
[1] Michigan fans are capable of anything, as evidenced by the fact that they are Michigan fans.
My god, that was fantastic. You are a better person than I am, though, because I wouldn't touch Ann Coulter's male counterpart with a 10-foot pole.
I love this post. I happen to be a die-hard Republican actually I am a little more conservative than Republican so maybe I am not what you're looking for but I do hate the gay lifestyle, think abortion is murder, and that global warming is a myth. I have always wanted to hate-fuck a liberal. A friend sent me the link to your blog after this post. I also think a try at converting is no good besides its the differences that would make it so hot. Obviously this would be nothing more than a fuck or maybe two or three and you would have to wear a condom because I sure as hell can't get pregnant(I am anti-abortion remember). I am a petite 5'2 burnette not tall and blonde like Coulter but I could scream some Coulter quotes while we're at it. Oh and we should wait until Congress tries to pass legislation to stop funding for the troops. The outcome is bound to piss both of us off making it even better.
"I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center." -- Kurt Vonnegut
"A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved." from Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut
lmnt i totally agree with you. i have been dying to do exactly this for quite some time. i have even considered crashing the RNC to pick up the most neo-con/oilexec/warloving/guncarrying suit i could find. i have a feeling it would a wild/violent night. it would be a great opportunity to take all the hate and put it out there in a physically productive way.
Haha, oh man..funny.
Oh, and I'm so not a book nerd... I'm a nerd in other ways.
Lisa -- At the time, I got one response from a republican who wasn't very attractive, but several from cool liberal chicks. I got more than a couple interesting dates out of it.
Redhead -- Yeah, there are some interesting people on craigslist.
Foxy -- I think that's a big part of why it was so fun. A little un-PC can be hi-larious.
INPY -- I'm sure you can, but not being quite that into baseball, I probably can't.
Belle -- Lucky girl. As I mentioned, I met several cool liberal chicks, but the ad was pretty much a bust on the evil ones.
Vikram -- That really would be interesting, wouldn't it?
Kristin -- Glad you liked it. And I'd totally triple wrap it. And maybe smack her a few times for good measure, if it was really AC.
Anon -- You forgot to leave your contact info, darlin'. I know republicans aren't the smartest, but I'm sure you can find my email address if you look hard enough. I'll be looking forward to your hate-mail. ;-)
Anon2 -- One could fill a whole book and then some with good Vonnegut quotes.
H -- Next time the convention rolls around, we'll go pick up idiots together. Cool?
NotCarrie -- I'm surprised, I totally figured you'd be a book nerd.
yea..not so attractive my friend.
maybe with the lights out and a few shots of Patron.....maybe
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