Give Me a First Date...

So you're popular. You get (or give out) a lot of phone numbers. You date a lot. In fact, you have coffee with a new potential romantic prospect once or twice a week, but strangely enough, things never seem to go any farther. There just never seems to be that magical spark that makes you want to do all sorts of naughty things to them. Why? Well, it's probably because you're doing the wrong things.

The "Coffee Date" has pretty much become the standard first date, at least in this area among the people I know. Guys love it because it's cheap, and everyone loves that it's low pressure and open ended. If you're having a great time, coffee can easily be extended, and if you're not, you can down your mocha-frappa-pumpkin-pie-latte-whatever and get the hell outta there.

Sounds perfect, right? NO FRIGGIN' WAY!!! I wouldn't be caught dead on a coffee date. It's probably got about a 0.03% success rate. I mean, hello? It's boring! And as much as its advocates swear otherwise, I personally think it's too high pressure. I mean, picture it -- form an image in your mind here. You're sitting at a table, in a brightly lit room, in the middle of the afternoon, staring down a stranger and trying to think of something to talk about. When the conversation starts, most likely it's all "what do you do," "where do you live," and "so what do you do for fun?" That's a job interview, not a date. I don't think there's a single environment where you're more guaranteed NOT to have chemistry. Ok, maybe there is, but I don't usually pick up girls in funeral homes or the intensive care wing of the hospital.

The whole point of a first date, as I mentioned here, is to figure out if this is someone you'd like to spend time with. See if you click. What makes it happen? Well, first of all, you have fun together. That's my biggest requirement. A first date should be spent laughing, flirting, teasing, horsing around, and having the time of your life. So the best first dates, in my opinion, are activities that are actually fun, and spark the kind of vibes that make flirting and playing easy. I hate to say this, gentlemen, but you may actually have to get creative. Show her how you like to have fun.

I aim this at the guys simply because of the basic differences between the masculine and femine roles in a relationship. While I don't believe that a woman's place is in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant, I do think that women love a guy who can take charge. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love a confident, independent, assertive woman, and I wouldn't date a girl who isn't all of those things, but I'm planning the first few dates. That's my job. I know how and when to take charge. Being a man means never saying "I dunno, what do you want to do?"

I always have a main plan and a plan B. That way, I can say "let's get together -- here's what I'm thinking," and if it's not her cup of tea, I've got a backup plan, but I'm still leading the interaction, and I know we'll end up doing something where I'll have fun, whether I like her or not.

So next time you're setting up a date, do something interesting. Play pool, sing karaoke, rock the putt-putt, hit a batting cage. Have a drink scavenger hunt -- make a list of favorite drinks together and great bars that are close to each other geographically, then hit each bar for one drink on the list. Check out the Air & Space museum. Walk the monuments at midnight (they're open all night). Get a picture of yourselves at several different local landmarks (or get on the metro and snap a shot at every stop on the line). Go to the Church of Scientology and take their personality test together (but don't join the cult... that would be a turnoff). Just please, for the love of god, be creative. The better an event you plan, the more fun you're likely to have, and the more fun you have, the better the chances you hit it off and get that second date.

P.S. -- My absolute favorite date is cooking something together with a great bottle of red wine, but it's usually better left for the second date, third, or beyond. Ever made sushi? Awesome.