They're ALL My Soulmates

So you're looking for someone who's smart, attractive, funny, caring, athletic, sweet, witty, down-to-earth, adventurous, and confident? Wow, what an amazing coincidence -- me too! And you're all those things as well? I gotta tell you, I'm pretty excited that everyone on here seems to be perfect for me.

In fact, all these women tell me how they're "equally comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt or a little black coctail dress," they "love to laugh," and their "friends put [them] up to this". They like movies, music, and travel, and they're looking for a "partner in crime". They "love to go out, but enjoy a good night in, too." And, like me, they're "tired of the bar scene".

I'm a huge fan of girls who have "alot" of friends, love "they're" pets so much they put seventeen photos of them in their profiles, and take so much pride in assuring me that "your definately not gong to be disepointed!" And on the subject of pictures, it's soooo cute that every one of yours is with the same 8 girlfriends and you're all out double-fisting it at the club. Pulling you away from that clique and hanging out sober won't be any problem at all. The fact that you have 12 microscopic pics of your face and none that show anything below the neck? Adorable. I don't really need to know what you look like. I mean, just because I torture myself at the gym three times a week doesn't mean I care what kind of shape you're in. To be honest, I totally lust after "curvy" girls... especially now that I know that it means one large, round curve. Maybe I should edit my profile to point out that I have one visible (albeit slightly round and not 100% muscle) ab.

That half-picture you cut your ex-boyfriend out of really shows me how much fun you'll be in a relationship. I'm especially looking forward to fulfilling my secret Tammy Faye Baker fantasy, but you'll need to recreate the look you've got in the glamour shot from the mall you're using as your main pic -- HOTT!!! The ones from your webcam where you don't seem to be wearing any clothes? That's exactly what I'm looking for in a girl... let's meet. Great tattoo, btw. And of course, I'm especially fond of the beautiful sunrise and scenery pictures you took with no people in them. You've got talent.

To LonelyHearted47 from Iowa who's 20 years older than me and wrote me to tell me how perfect I am, I'm working on that plane ticket and I'll see you soon. I'm already in love with you, too.

Ukraine4U, of course I'll marry you and help you come to the states. You are my soulmate, after all.

Oh, and BustyBecky6969 -- I found the "racier pics I can't post here" on your geocities site, and I put in my credit card number, but I can't seem to find your phone number on the last page like you said? Call me. I'm not sure what NSA means, but I'm sure we'll have lots of fun together.