Honesty Revisited
Online dating just dropped another notch or six on my list of good ways to meet new people. Why, you ask? Because Cornell researchers just proved that online daters are big fat liars. And it's totally true, from my experience. Now the study says that weight is the most common lie, but that height and age also happen pretty regularly. I've never run into a height or age liar, though. I've met a lot of weight stretchers. A lot.
You know what's even worse than lying with words? Doing it with pictures. I hate that with a passion.
Like the one who told me she was "curvy," which is usually a big red flag to me. So I delved deeper. I made it very clear that I don't mind someone with a few extra pounds, but I don't usually date people who aren't (these are my exact words) "well within the range of normal." The picture she sent me looked like a girl with nice curves, but not a bigger one. The woman that showed up at the bar? My best guess was around 350 lbs, and that's being nice. I would never have been able to hug this woman because my arms wouldn't have fit around her. They'd barely get past her shoulders. And I've got long arms. That was a quick 10 minute date.
I'm not saying guys don't do it too. In fact, I'm sure they do. SWF41 recently had a similar experience. What I don't understand is what people think they're accomplishing here? If you're going to meet the person in the real world, they're going to know you're lying. Do people actually think lying is attractive? It's not.
I understand the basic idea is to let your magical personality win them over, but here's the problem. As soon as I realize you've lied to me, your "magical personality" becomes a dishonest personality. On top of that, if I don't enjoy imagining you naked underneath me, you're never going to get there, no matter how great your personality is. You've just wasted my time. And yours. And you've got your hopes up and gotten rejected. This could have all been avoided by being simply telling the truth up front and using current pictures.
It's yet another reason why the word "online" has disappeared from the title of this blog. At least the people you meet in your day-to-day life or through friends won't try to lie about what they look like -- you've already seen them.
12 comments:
oh but I should still lie....
I have had about 8 zillion first dates with online people, and every guy under 6' seems to lie about his height by an inch or two. But people have looked like their pictures and while I've had lots of tedious dates, I haven't had any where I felt deceived.
DC Brownie -- Yeah, I've been reading about your adventures. That sucks.
6s&7s -- Like I said, depends what you want.
Lisa -- I hate that guys do that, b/c women seem to assume I'm two inches shorter than I really am. Sheesh.
If I misrepresented myself online then I would be sooo nervous to meet someone in person. If they expected someone who is 5'4" and blonde, then they are going to be really disappointed when I show up. Not that I'm not hott;), but I am NOT 5'4" and blonde. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
That's why it's weird sometimes to be "NotCarrie" because I wonder if people think I look like my cartoonized self.
You're right. It is sad that these women are setting themselves up for rejection, over and over. I think if you are overweight, your ad should say, "Hi. I'm definitely on the heavy side, and I'm looking for someone who can see past that. Maybe you are heavy too..." and then go on to likes and dislikes. There's a whole subculture of guys who are into that- someone could make them happy.
Yes, I have had guys lie to me about their height. And really--it is soo annoying. It makes me want to stop trying almost instantly...
I've noticed that guys tend to say they are 2 inches taller than they actually are. When I did online dating, I would always subtract a few inches from the height so as to get a better picture of them. Almost everyone looks better in their pictures than they do in person. It's so disapointing.
So does this mean I should start saying I'm 6 feet instead of 5'10" because that way they'll assume the correct height?
*confused*
no, i think she was saying that based on her experiences she assumes the guy is 2 inches shorter. whether or not that's actually true, she'll find out when she meets them. i'll agree that i've met a lot of guys who lie about their height. if you're 5'10, say your 5'10. and if someone says you're too short and she's not in the WNBA, was she really worth it to begin with?
While online dating, you gotta have your bullshit detector on. It's not a bad idea to keep it on the rest of the day as well.
I wonder if people don't really know their accurate height? Depending on who measured them and how high their shoes were at the time, it could be off be a couple inches unintentionally.
I'd like to think that was possible, and that they weren't all liars.
It is kind of sickening.
This fits in really well with a guy I just started dating from an online ad. He said he was 38 and 6 foot. After a month of dating, and my making lots of remarks about his age being so close to mine, he finally admitted he was 44. I was a bit suspicious. Then I asked if he was really 6 ft. He said yes, absolutely. I saw his drivers licence that was sitting on his bag and it said 5 ft 11. Thats not as big a deal as the age thing but it being two lies really turns me off.
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