Ask LMNt, Take 2
Not Faint-Hearted writes:
What's up with 20-something and early 30-something guys wanting to date "older" women. Like 45 year old women. What do they think they're getting into? Are they looking for a mommy figure or a "teacher," if you know what I mean. As a woman of a certain age, I'm just wondering.
Here's what I think:
First of all, I can't pretend to speak for anyone but myself here. That said, I'm in my late twenties, and more often than not, I find myself dating women who are around my age or slightly older. The people I've dated range from 6 years younger than me (sorry girls, 21's my absolute limit) to 14 years my senior (I was 22 at the time), and I tend to find that older women usually have themselves figured out. They know what they want and what they don't, and our goals and lifestyles line up much more closely than I've found with the young'ns. In short, we're more compatible.
As far as the sexual side of things goes, I definitely don't want a mommy figure or a teacher. I like sexual relationships to be pretty equal. That said, older women have the experience to know themselves much better than the younger ones do, which usually makes for more fulfilling relations in the bedroom. You girls seem to really get it, and you're usually uninhibited and awesome in the sack.
I guess what I'm saying here is that not every younger guy is interested in older women for just one thing. We fall into a much wider spectrum than that. Sure, like any other group of men, some of them are just looking for sex or an interesting new notch on their bedpost, but some of them may be seeking you out because you're truly a better match for them. I wouldn't necessarily rule them out immediately. Give them a shot, and maybe you'll land someone wonderful you never expected. Not to mention, having a hot young stud as arm candy can't hurt, right?
9 comments:
Well, as a teacher who is about to have a birthday and age another year, I hope the "slightly older teacher" thing is still hott to some guys.
It's rare to find the maturity one is looking for in the younger set. I don't mean to assail all younger women as immature, but age and maturity often are percieved to go hand-in-hand.
That said, I'm 26 and at this moment I don't think 45 is within my target audience. 34 or 35 is probably the absolute ceiling at this point, but I tend to find myself most often hanging around in the 23 to 30 range, sometimes higher, rarely lower.
It's not a mommy thing or a teacher thing for me. It's a "she has the traits I look for" thing, regardless of her age.
The point that older woman are more mature and generally at a more stable place in their life is spot on. I find older women attractive for just this reason, and it's also why I didn't date until recently; I found so many girls my age unattractively immature and annoying.
Of course, I'm only dating a woman who's 9 months older than me, but whatever. She's 23, and she's much more mature than a lot of girls aged 20. It's a startling difference, although it's not surprising when I think about my own evolution. I was a completely different person when I started college compared to when I graduated. Worlds apart. It's not really anyone's fault though, you know, you're young and dumb, that's what you are.
You grow up though, you grow older, life gets different. That's where I'm at now, and I need people who think like that too.
I'm a 38 yr old single Mom and yes I have a better idea of what I want out of life. As an older woman I'm definitely not into the teaching thing.
Friends have tried to push me towards younger men but there is a limit, although, I do tend to date younger by about 6 years tops. I've been told I don't look my age and I feel younger and that is why I tend to date a little younger... when I date.
Another advantage is that as a single Mom I don't have time to be up in his business and all over him 24/7. If he wants my time and gets my time, which is a valuable commodity, then he is very lucky.
I agree with I-66 - I'm not as much concerned with a man's age as I am with how compatible we are.
And as an almost 28-year-old woman, I don't find that I have much in common with 21-year-old boys (yes, boys!) who are still excited about getting trashed at keg/frat parties. Been there, done that - well, gone to the party, anyway. However, the same can be said for dating a man much over 33 - I think the same issue comes into play.
I'm more interested in finding a man who can hold his own in a conversation. Someone who's intelligent, determined and hard working.
Not to say that there aren't any 21-year-old boys out there like that, but it's unlikely.
Are you still mad that I went out with your mom?
Mmm, younger men rock. After having always dated men my age or older (up to 12 years), I recently dated a guy 8 years my junior. What I liked (besides the stud arm candy thing--all my friends called him my boy toy) was the relative equality and fun in our relationship.
I think the power dynamic of older woman/younger man is VERY different than older man/younger woman. He commented that it was refreshing to date someone he could actually *talk* to, and someone who wasn't insecure and needed his approval and attention all the time. I also found it cute that he tried to impress me in these sweet, slightly awkward ways--I think he was used to being the hot guy all the younger women wanted and wasn't quite sure what to make of me.
Miss Scarlet -- Yes, there are plenty of us that are still hot for teachers.
I-66 -- Agreed. 34 or so is probably my limit, with individual exceptions on a case-by-case basis, but I usually tend to stick to the 24-32 or so range.
Sam -- Glad you're happy with her.
Red -- I see you completely understand why us younger studs dig women like yourself. ;-)
Miss BEG -- Right. That's pretty much my perspective, too.
A-J-T -- If she had even half as much fun as you did, I'm cool with it.
Urban Urchin -- He found it "refreshing" to date a girl he could actually talk to? Wow. I don't think I'd ever date a girl I couldn't, but maybe that's just me.
Thanks for all the input. Sounds like the consensus from this group is that 6-8 year younger is one thing...15 years younger is...Demi and Ashton.
I'll take you at your words and not over think things then.
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