RoMANce

When I have the right girl around, I'm a total sucker for romance. I love the look on a woman's face that says she's excited and happy and it's totally my fault she feels that way (pretty similar to my enjoyment of certain aspects of sex, actually). The thing is, like we talked about here, when it comes to dealing with women, guys don't always get things right.

I mean, when most guys think about romance, the things that come to mind are flowers, sappy poetry, and candles. While I'm definitely not against those things -- I love to have random flowers delivered to her workplace and the jacuzzi tub in my bathroom goes great with a candlelight and champagne -- what most guys seem to miss is individualization. Sometimes the most romantic gestures that really make a girl weak at the knees are things that, on the surface, don't fit the classic stereotypes at all.

The best things are individually tailored to the woman on the recieving end. They reflect something that makes her unique and show your appreciation for her individuality. I know guys, this means you actually have to put some thought in it, but that's kind of the point. The right romantic move says "I was thinking about you and I want to make you happy," not "this is what my television tells me to do."

For example, a drum set can be romantic.

My ex and I were very good friends for a few years and dated for a few years after that. In all the time I'd known her, she mentioned fairly regularly how she had always wanted to learn to play the drums. Her standard reaction to good music was air drumming. She was already a gifted musician -- a classical piano player who could have easily majored in it had she decided to go that route, and she taught lessons for extra income. So I knew she understood the basic concepts and had the dedication to learn how instead of being excited over it for a month or two and then letting it go. She had also moved into a house with a basement in October, so the space was there. I decided to get her a drum set and lessons for Christmas last year.

She was going home for the week before Christmas and coming back a couple days before, so I told her I needed her keys while she was gone. I let the roommates know what I was up to so they wouldn't be surprised by my presence, and started working. Got a great set from a buddy at Guitar Center, lined up an oustanding local teacher, pre-paid a month's worth of lessons, made sure I had all the necessary accessories so she'd be ready to go, and assembled the set in the basement. I also brought one of my guitar rigs over so she'd have someone to jam with. When I finished with the construction, I used a big blanket to cover it up and attached a giant bow. From the bow, I ran the ribbon across the floor, up the stairs, and tied it to the doorknob. I took a small piece of the leftover ribbon and tied it into a little bow. This was attached to a note that said "Find the rest of me," which I wrapped up in a little tiny jewelry box and put under the tree. I also wrapped a "Drum Set Basics" book and dvd up and put it on top of the drumset. Inside was a card that explained I'd taken care of her first month of lessons and gave all the contact info to set them up. Finally, I moved a tv and dvd player downstairs so that she could see the dvd while practicing and/or play along with music.

I made sure I was at her house when she got home so we could do the Christmas gift exchange before she accidentally found anything she shouldn't, and her reaction was priceless. Not because I went the generic "romance" route, but because to her, this was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her. I'd put some serious thought into finding something that she really wanted, that nobody else would have given her, and took care of every single little detail. It demonstrated the most important part of any romantic gesture -- thought. When they say it's the thought that counts, it's really true. The actual gift meant nothing compared to the careful consideration, time, and planning that had obviously gone into it, and the fact that it was designed specifically for her. I'd paid attention to something that made her special. It may have been the most romantic thing I've ever done.

Another big key to making romance work is the element of surprise. Anything dependable or predictable loses its impact. As much as every girl swears they want romance, if she got flowers every day, every date, or on any kind of predicable schedule she'd get used to it. These things can easily be overdone or underdone, but it's being predictable that kills their value. To be truly romantic, you have to keep her on her toes.

I have a friend who has a brilliant way of handling it. He's a bit of a geek and used to play Dungeons & Dragons when he was younger. Apparently, a big part of the game involves dice with strange numbers of sides. He's a romantic guy who really loves his girlfriend, and he understands the concept of unpredictability. So what did he do? He went out and bought himself dice with 30 sides. He likes to make a small romantic gesture at least once a month, but in order to keep from becoming predictable, he rolls the dice every time he does something. The number that comes up is how many days away the next something happens. It's a little too systematic for me, but it works, and I think it was a really creative way of problem solving. Like a romance-nerd MacGuyver or something.

So if you've ever heard "you should be more romantic" from your girlfriend, keep in mind two things: individualism and unpredictability. Use them as a guide and you'll never hear it again.