How to Write a Good Email

*** Auction Update ***

6 bids, huh? Not too shabby, but if you bid on me, there's an 83% chance someone's beating you... Are you gonna let her punk you like that? Are you gonna let that Neil guy in California show me up? Where's your competitive streak? We're halfway through (the auction ends tomorrow at midnight), so let's get it ON!

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This is for the online daters out there. Just because I'm falling off the wagon doesn't mean I can't share my expertise, right?

Ok, so you've signed up for an online dating service. You've put together a witty, lighthearted profile that highlights your strengths. You've had your friends take a look at it and you're ready to go. After a few searches, you've run across some undeniably attractive members of the opposite sex that you'd love to get to know better.

What now? How are you going to make contact and what are you going to say? Here's how I handle it.

First off, never send a "wink," "flirt," or whatever the hell it is your preferred site offers as the "I have no guts" option for initiating contact. Would you want to date someone who didn't have enough backbone and originality to even write you an anonymous email? Didn't think so. I wouldn't either.

Next, I know how strange this may sound, but you should actually read their profile. Yeah, really. Figure out what you like about them, and why you think you'd actually be an interesting match. Found a few? Perfect. Now you're good to go.

Open up your email, and write an interesting subject line that ties in to the things you like. Please, please, PLEASE don't write "Hello." Be creative. Chances are, any attractive target gets a decent amount of email. I know I do. You've got to stand out from the pack.

When you write, keep it light, slightly flirty, and tell them why you think you'd get along. It's not tough. A couple paragraphs on your commonalities, one more on what you'd like to do together, throw in a few questions, and you're done. And while putting together one generic email you can cut and paste is definitely a no-no, it's ok to have some material you re-use. It's not exactly rocket science, folks.

Oh, one more thing: good spelling and grammar is key. No one wants to date someone they see as uneducated, that's why everyone's looking for college grads. The degree doesn't really matter, but the intelligence does.

Here's a real life example straight from my "Sent" folder.

Subject: Cons??? Not at all...

[in her profile she'd listed her pros and cons, the cons being that she doesn't like sports, enjoys chick flicks, eats healthy about 75% of the time, and expects a partner to do the same]

Body:

I'm MUCH more of a music guy than a sports guy. I watch the Superbowl (mostly for the commercials), but I'd have a hard time naming 10 pro players. Chick Flicks in general are pretty awesome -- just saw Love Actually for the first time -- but if you try to force me to watch Riding in Cars With Boys again, I may puke. Worst movie ever. I eat healthy, but am creative enough to make it taste good. What's your typical healthy dinner?

Vices can be wonderful. Tell me about yours, and maybe I'll let you in on mine.

[She said something in the profile along the lines of "everyone should have their vices -- they make life interesting."]

Anyway, you seem like someone I'd totally get along with... fun, cute, and slightly dangerous. At this point, I'm sure you've already checked out my profile and made a decision, so if you're in, I say you throw on your "I'm kind of a big deal" t-shirt, I'll wear my "Chick Magnet" one, we'll raise a glass to our mutual t-shirt narcissism, and possibly even flirt a little bit. Deal?

[Everything here is pretty standard, "use it in every email" stuff, up to the specific suggestion of what to do, which is based on her profile and our commonalities -- she's wearing that t-shirt in one of her pictures.]

~[my real first name]

Don't expect a response. The very best online daters I know get around one response for every five emails they send, so don't get yourself too invested in a single result. On the other hand, don't send out 20 emails a day for a week, either. It really sucks to have more attractive, interesting people wanting a date than you can realistically deal with, and it's a major cause of ODS.

Hopefully this will please a few of my "please tell guys to read my damn profile before they email me" commentors out there. Thoughts?